Invest In Yourself, The Return Will Be Incessant
The topic this week follows seeing yourself as worthy of many things and defining the various ways that one explores "currency". I was once asked in an interview, "How do you feel about working with wealthy people?" I could pause on this question in a non-cute microaggresion kind of way (and I did, slightly, just to kind of say: wtf?), but life goes on, right? My answer has been a self-reminder of my worth as I've navigated various organizational dynamics and internal dynamics as well: "I have no problem working with wealthy people. I think if you don't have monetary wealth, you can have wealth in other ways. I can be wealthy in my relationships, wealthy in love, wealthy in mindset."
This mindset wealth has been my saving grace. I will attribute it to me and eternally to the black women before me. Resilience feels like more than a noun, it feels like a genotype. So I work with wealth. Day in and day out I am passing from palm to palm and molding something wealthy. I am not sure yet what the final form will be but I know it will be something golden and worth the while.
When I made the decision to study in this program at Penn, and even when I made the decision to leave the comfort of the DMV and move to Philly, I thought long and hard on the investments I would be making into my current and future self. I thought about the promise held within placing myself at the so-called "table" or even gaining the knowledge to build a table of my own. I decided to continue in the Organizational Dynamics program because I knew that while it was an investment of various forms of wealth, time being one of them, it would be worth every moment.
I didn't think that this program would require so much self-work, and I didn't think that in less than a year I would feel like such a new woman. Actually, I'm not sure if I will say I feel new as much as I feel more like myself. There's liberation in both things.
Another Ashley journal mantra: Everything I work for will manifest in some form meant to benefit my journey. The work will not be easy. The manifestation will not always be glorious. I said this to myself to juxtapose the pause and the process with the inherent wealth of being. My uncle said on our phone call today, "We are all human do-ings, not human be-ings." First off, I think that's cute as hell and I've never heard it, so extra brownie points to him for being adorbs. Second, it's true. I am doing and by doing, I am being.
Shoutout to Ian for the opportunity to recall a coaching moment. In our second to last session I said, "By being who I want to be, I become who I am." I could speak on this for days to come. I'll put this on a t-shirt. It'll likely be the title of a blog post. It will be a part of the clay passing from hand to hand as I continue this molding. It will be gooey and messy and sticky and you'll need to rinse a little more, probably scrub a little harder than you normally would to get all of the residues off. But whatever I'm crafting here will permanently stain palms and it will be memorable, it will be an investment worth every penny and every breath and sacrifice. Every fear, every human do-ing, every human be-ing, for me and for the human beings beyond myself.
As always, sending love.
Photo by Precondo CA on Unsplash
